P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E. A.N.D. P.A.I.N.
Join NYC based Cara Franchi, LCSW specializing in Somatic Experiencing & EMDR and Darryn Silver, LCSW Intuitive Inquiry & Soulful Stirrings Coach for an experiential afternoon of YOUR inner reality embracing ALL of YOU!
More details to be posted shortly at www.darrynsilver.com/events
Practicing Love Embraces All Sentimental, Universal Remembrance Effortlessly
A Noteworthy Distinction
Punishment Activates Insufferable Negativity
I was in a downward facing dog position in yoga class a few years ago. For those of you who do not know what that is, your hands and feet are on the ground in a ^ shape and your buttocks is pretty much sticking straight up in the air.
I’m in this vulnerable position when I heard the teacher exclaim, “Some people actually seek out pain and become addicted to it.”
In a way, you could say they get addicted to it because of the adrenaline rush that is produced.
I have a different perspective on this. I believe that people tend to (almost exclusively) move towards pleasure. It is just a matter of what we perceive in any given moment to be more pleasurable or more painful.
For example:
Why does a battered woman stay with her abuser?
An outsider’s perspective might deem it ridiculous, crazy, unimaginable and incomprehensible. Perhaps the idea of being out on her own is more terrifying (painful) than what she is accustomed to experiencing. It’s the familiar!
Why do young men join up with gangs or terrorist groups?
The desire for humans to have a sense of belonging and connection is primal and part of our basic survival needs verses the alternative of being disenfranchised and an outcast which threatens their very existence.
These might seem like extreme examples but we are all faced with the same choices every day. The more we understand and cherish our own vulnerabilities as gateways to freedom, opportunities to grow, connect with one another, & recognize we are all the same, the more we suspend our opinions thus stilling our mind.
This space of stillness and silence within us opens us to a creative flow that brings forth the softening that the collective is wholeheartedly desiring. This is what much of the world’s violence, natural disasters and political inequities are calling forward and it starts with each and every one of us.
Why do people blame, judge and condemn?
It’s easier to believe that the problem lies outside of us. That perspective does not make us happy though. It simply justifies our position, quells our anxiety and pain temporarily.
We repress old memories that are laden with powerful emotions, suppress undesirable thoughts that disguise our current emotions so as to feel better about ourselves but it is like a pressure cooker building, building & coming together with other pressure cookers. Then, woof an explosion ensues.
We are each a part of the collective consciousness. We, the collective consciousness, created the vehicle of separation so that we might have our own ability to discern. Furthermore, it is so that we are able to claim dominion over our own inner reality and make our own choice of how we want to perceive the whole.
Are we willing to go inside and make friends with the pain so we no longer cause the effect externally?
I have been wrestling with the question Do we believe that it is our birth right to be happy, joyous and free? Really believe it?
On the surface, most of us succumb to the external conditioning to simply gain some semblance of safety and security. It’s uncomfortable to change. We have patterned ourselves and any deviation upsets the apple cart.
For me, it is an ongoing practice to come to believe in our eternal nature. The portal is the magic in the moment. Each moment leads to the magic of the next moment and we stay present to explore the depths of our nature.
It’s a practice with many layers. It’s a practice that deepens like an intricately weaved tapestry with infusions of color, textures and angular designs.
Underneath it all, I believe we hold a space that honors our essence. It is a path to excavate that knowingness. I am simply a foot soldier turning earth angel on the path with everyone else.
I have much to learn, and grow in the name of love through my exploration and discoveries. It’s not always pretty but always illuminating. Often, I wish I could do it and get it done but that is simply my conditioning and would be deafening to our eternal ability to expand if the former was true.
Do we acquiesce to the roles that fit our conditioning?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
Do we do things because everybody else does?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
Do we stay in a job because we were taught that money reigns supreme? Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
We choose that job because our perception of change and potential financial insecurity is infinitely more painful than living our passion?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
For this moment, do we know what our passion is ?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
Do we quell our zest for life for reasons of practicality and logic? Do we find other ways to fill in the crevices, offer excuses to ourselves in service of pacifying our ego?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
Are we afraid our ego will make things spiral out of control by kicking, screaming, tantruming and making our life miserable if we do not succumb to its demands?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
It is simply like a two year old that wants to be embraced and feel deserving to declare its right for autonomy and independence.
Do you believe that if you make a lot of money, you will be secure, safe, get ahead, and have a great life?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
Do we stay in a relationship because we do not know who we are otherwise? That our whole identity is wrapped up in the externals of our life?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
Do we disregard the messages that our bodies tell us with regard to health because we have been infiltrated and brainwashed by TV commercials and we have lost sight of our own intuitive intelligence by which we might access Universal Understanding that can support self-healing?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
Do we follow what our head dictates or listen to the wisdom of our heart and bodies?
Where is that on the spectrum of pleasure and pain for you?
Are we willing to go inside and make friends with the pain so we embrace the wholeness of ourselves which externalizes more Love & Compassion in our world?
To step outside our comfort zone may be perceived as painful because we are standing face to face with the UNKNOWN, which includes infinite possibilities: utter destruction of how we have come to know things and giving birth to the creative power we hold within our human vessel. We are facing our internal demons and that’s all it is.
“Going in” to accept ourselves in our wholeness. To keep the status quo is familiar, routine and patterned. To fly, soar and face the essence of who we really are is truth. To recognize and remember the beauty, bliss and glorious ecstatic love, we want to be vulnerable.
VULNERABILITY:
Ooooo for me, this can be a dirty word. At least in my world it has been an entity to avoid at all costs. We have spent our entire lives protecting ourselves for purposes of survival.
Oh sure, we call it different things to make it more palatable. Doing the right thing, the expected thing, the societal thing, the logical thing that authority figures offer us accolades. A good daughter, son, sister, brother, wife, husband, worker, citizen, professional, philanthropist etc.
Hey look at me, aren’t I a good person? We look to the world to validate our internal experience. All the while the world is destroying itself and the savior is to allow our hearts to break open into a sea of compassion.
What I am learning about vulnerability is that it is opening my heart. Then courage is not even a “thing” that is needed. It’s just there because we become comfortable in our own skin.
We no longer look to externals for validation and that sets us free. We speak, behave and take action from our hearts. It’s an ongoing process: deeper, broader, more expansive and evolutionary. By each of us doing this, we act as a power of example for another to recognize their own authenticity.
Sometimes I speak about consciousness subjects to an audience that I am not sure will be receptive.
I do it for me!
To express myself and what I stand for in the best way I can in this moment.
If they like it, so be it.
If they don’t like it, so be it!
Might I have a melt down? Sure sometimes.
I’m human. I have not “arrived”!
It’s all good because the creative expression has been launched.
SURVIVING AND THRIVING are two entirely different things.
Releasing the sheets, layers and veils to awaken to our sensitive heart energy is our greatest gift to share with the Universe. Each one of us has been born into a physical body to declare our own eternal creative influence.
In the past, the Universe has knocked on my door through various vehicles:
Experiencing the departure from financial feast (Wall Street),
through unemployment to my temporary perception of “famine” (Social Worker),
health challenges self-remedied (lifelong debilitating chronic hay fever completely dissipated in an instant)
and relational insights all for the purpose of more
awakenings.
Some challenges such as health are more socially acceptable and permit us to take a reprieve. Others are met with judgment and shame. This is because we have made the outside world our dictator. It’s time to live from the inside out.
I have none of those outside influences beckoning me now; nevertheless, the beckoning continues.
The hunger, the drive, the insatiable appetite to JUST BE.
To learn, to grow to live inside the JUST BEING.
Sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it?
Well, I am a product of this world and all of its striving and relentless pursuits also.
I feel as though I move at a very slow pace…that I am a mere child on this path that wants to savior every morsel of this lifetime.
None of us are exempt.
If you chose to come into your human body, it is your sanctuary until it’s not.
Do we follow what our head dictates or listen to the wisdom of our bodies? After all, your body is your unconscious mind!!!
Mindfulness Practice
Are we willing to go inside and make friends with the pain so we embrace the wholeness of ourselves which externalizes more Love & Compassion in our world?
- Write down two experiences: One that you would categorize as painful and one of pleasure.
- Embellish the story that is painful to the point where you can find humor in it? Exaggerate it, make it ridiculous, create a slapstick comedy, caricatures or mimic a television sitcom. This will illuminate another perspective you can embrace. Comedians do it all the time. They take personal experiences (often painful) and find the light in them.You may learn something about how you view the situation and recognize the benefit. If you can’t find the humor in it, ask a friend or google it along with the word “comic relief.”
- Recount a story that is uniquely pleasurable to you and wonder about what qualities exist within you that deems it pleasurable. Would another individual deem it pleasurable, unpleasurable or indifferent? What makes it pleasurable to you. What is it about you that views it as especially pleasurable. Own your insides.
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