DEC 2015 Relationship Question: Should I Stay or Should I Go?



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Relationship Question: Should I stay or should I go?


Let’s rephrase this to:


How might I experience myself to my fullest potential and to what degree do I want to infuse my energy (participate ) in this relationship. Asking the question in this manner opens you up to an infinite number of possibilities.


It has been customary in our society to ask linear questions because we like definitive clear answers. We like to have “problems” solved and we want to know immediately what action to take. We have been living along the lines of an “absolute determination”: Do this or that, yes or no, right or wrong, black or white. Yet, life has a much wider sweeping spectrum in mind for us to enjoy. You have the liberty to choose how you want to approach any situation.


You are the author of your own De-Light. De-Light is our dream reality and you were born to live your life from that vantage point.


Most situations are meant to promote contemplation for the deeper meaning which lends itself towards a more enlightened, expansive, freeing experience. It points us in the direction of our highest joy, uncovers treasured abilities and prods us gently towards the revelation that we are pure Light Beings. Circumstances are meant to raise our awareness, become more conscious and revel in our own magnificence. It is your earthly expression that is forging your pathway.


First, let’s understand that life is a blank screen, a blackboard or a canvas.

We place our impressions, hopes dreams, aspirations and desires on to the screen and then we experience them from our point of awareness in that moment in time. Any event, circumstance, or interaction, in and of itself, is neutral. It is what we cast upon it that gives it meaning.  How we think, feel and experience a situation at a very deep core level (subconscious or unconscious) will give life or infuse that kind of energy into it.



For example:

If one feels deserving of a fully intimate relationship, they will create that in their experience on some level. Please know that this can appear in a variety of ways and intensities. The definition of intimacy may vary from individual to individual. Also, intimacy does not necessarily mean only romantic encounters. As one changes, grows and expands, so does their capacity to experience intimacy at more developed levels with themselves and with others. The intimacy is a living, breathing changing dynamic in and of itself.


If, on a deep level, an individual questions their self-worth or how deserving they are, they might find themselves engaging with people that are, emotionally, on that same platform. In the beginning, it may have seemed disguised but there is a dynamic that magnetized those people to one another. There was something there to explore.


 The challenging relationship is glaring for a purpose.

It is meant to surface underlying empowerment, forgiveness, empathy, etc and to deliberately decide what each person wants to design for their lives. Ultimately, it is a discovery in how they might uncover more self-love and love for others. It is meant to bring clarity to personal preferences and offer delight in the creation of our dream reality.

We cannot know true intimacy unless we have an experience other than intimacy. The lack of intimacy gives the “experience of intimacy” context. We all want to feel loved, connection and a sense of belonging.


 The subsequent dynamic is what we have created almost like a scene in a movie. We are able to witness the movie. Literally, we view and experience outwardly what was going on internally through our emotional world and the inevitable manifested construct of our life situation.

Now that it has been brought into the light of day, we can write what we want the next scene to look like. What I mean is that we are able to alter how we view the relationship and make conscious choices.


Think of the relationship as the 3rd entity. It is a vessel in which our love is shared and celebrated.

It has energy, purpose and fullness unto itself. When the third entity is filled to the brim, it flourishes and gives off light, exuberance and shines effortlessly. How, and with what ingredients, the relationship is fueled will determine the consistency, longevity, integrity and satiated expectations. Relationships have a variety of timelines and levels of interconnectiveness. They are meant to be expressive, and illuminate something within all of the participants. Once that is discovered, you will find yourself seeing things from a heightened level of awareness. A newfound perspective will lend itself to a self-affirming choice. It will happen organically with full mindfulness.


Next, know that you have a support team on and off the earth plain in this discovery. Remaining sensitive to this support team’s messages will allow the guidance to come through easily. The support team is an entourage of Light Beings which you readily access through multiple manners.

Emotions (heart)

Sensations (body- includes taste, smell, sound, sight)

Mind (perspective)

Intuition ( spiritual)


Through these mechanisms, you will see, feel and hear the conversation of your essence shining through. Simply pay attention to your SELF through your physicality, emotions, mental clarity and spiritual connection.


Ask yourself questions for self discovery will help tremendously:


Consider reflecting on who you were and what your ideas were when you entered into the relationship.


What were your expectations at that point in time?

What were your interests and priorities?

How did you feel about yourself?

What has shifted inside of you?


Do you view and feel towards your partner, yourself and the relationship in the same way? If not, what has changed?


Do you see yourself as the same? If not, are you ok with how you are now?


Your life has matured you through your experiences. That is what life is meant to do. Life is meant to give you experiences so you can feel the fullness of your light, your essence and allow it to shine as an earthly expression. Perhaps how you want to express yourself has changed.


Now, literally look in the mirror and see who you are today in this moment.


First and foremost, what are your expectations for your SELF now?


What are your favorite parts of yourself now?


Do you share them readily?


In what ways to you share them and in what ways do you hold back?


Are you holding the desire to feel connection, intimacy, acknowledged, valued, loved, and nurtured? So, it’s just a matter of where you stand in relation to your desire.


Are you observing the choices you are making to that end? How are you putting your energy behind those choices?


What internal dynamics are in support or inhibiting your preferences? Is this dynamic familiar to you from a previous period in your life?


Reflect on what ways you are giving this experience to your SELF?


How might you get into the zone where you are feeling your Light a majority of the time?



What kinds of people do you surround yourself?


Are they predominantly loving, empathetic, happy, lighthearted, compassionate and supportive?


In what ways do you take risks to foster connection with your self, partner and others?


How much nicer do you have to be with yourself to be bored with blame, judgment, self-incrimination and shift towards self-respect and self-love?


Do you want to be “right” or do you want to be happy?


Wonder about whether you feel responsible for the relationship and the other individual’s feelings?


How might you be inhibiting yourself if you are holding a sense of over- responsibility?


Can you imagine that by being true to yourself that you are, in turn, freeing them up for possibilities?


Are you able to see your partner as a constellation of light having their own experience?


Are you open to the notion that the universe has it all under control and you are right where you are supposed to be?


How does it feel in your body when entertaining the notion of fostering a connection with this person?


If you gave a voice to your inner De-Light, what would it say?


What groups are you a part of that fosters the safety to allow your essence to emerge?


Can you imagine a place where you begin to feel safe showing your authentic self?


 These days there are a whole spectrum from which to choose. Google “healing arts”, “mindfulness”, spirituality and your town’s name and see what pops up. Men tend to bond around projects so considering the “project” or “cause” as one that you hold dear to your heart will lend itself to a fuller experience.



What kinds of material do you read?


What kinds of television shows do you watch?


Notice how you feel while reading it. Do you feel a sense of optimism and inspiration?


How life affirming is the program?


How many news programs do you view? Reflect on whether you can contribute to the solution. Consider watching news by going on the internet and being deliberate in your choice. All choices leave an impression on your psyche. It’s a choice!!!


How do you prepare your meals? Does it feel like a time of self-nurturance or harried?



What are the messages you repeat in your mind about yourself?


How empowered do you feel in your life?


What “default” position do you take in times of stress?


Who in your life feels safe enough to share your inner experience?


Does anyone feel safe to you?


Do you feel like you are not good enough to be acknowledged?


Do you think you have to look, behave and be a certain way to be valued and worthy?


Are you concerned that if you show who you really are, you will be rejected?


It what ways do you allow yourself to shine or do you hide?


Have you thought about that?


How would it feel if someone really saw you?


Would you feel exposed and therefore you hide because hiding feels safer to you? It is a place of the “known”! It is more comfortable.


Can you see that you are a light being and meant to shine?


Can you bare witness that you are significant and contribute to the whole?

Can you observe yourself from a more broad based perspective through the lens of your Higher De-Light?


What would Love say about you?


How does Loving Light feel?


This relationship challenge is asking and beckoning you to shine, expand and experience the full limitlessness and freedom because that is what is deep in your heart. This does not mean you have to go up on stage and proclaim your existence in front of thousands. It means that you shine in whatever way that is organic for you!!!!


Finally, know that people naturally gravitate towards what they believe to be more pleasurable. It is the pleasure pain principle.

If we are fearful of change, even if the change is in support of our greater good and authentic nature, we may very well perceive it as more painful thereby staying in a more “known” place. It is all on a continuum.






Our inherent nature is ongoing expansion

Our quest is to discover Love

Our Love is to remember and align with who we truly are and live from that vantage point.



One disclaimer though is that if you are in an actively abusive situation where your well being is at risk, you are best to remove yourself from that situation.



2015  ©  Darryn Silver all rights reserved