Breathing In & Through My “COMPARATHON”
When facing big transitions in my life, there is a part of me that leads me directly to the COMPARATHON!
Sure why not?
There is a part of my psyche that says, “If I am feeling too much bliss, ecstasy, joy, balance or presence, you are NOT in CONTROL Darryn!!! The other shoe might drop so you had better take the reins.” If things are too good, going too smoothly, in flux and changing faster than you can keep up, have some stress sprinkles on the occasion. You are used to that! It is known and familiar!
Can you relate?
What an event! It is an extravaganza like no other! There are trails of envy, pathways of jealously, roads of rage, scarcity rides and frustration fun houses. I compare myself to others, circumstances or even to an idealic version of myself couched in my own potentiality i.e. “If only my skill set was….or If only I could exercise XYZ quality”. This part likes to bathe in victim energy and bathe in it luxuriously I might add.
A very intolerable experience. Pure torture! One I would prefer to skip entirely and I would if it wasn’t serving me so well…at least for the moment! (Anything we do not release is serving us in some way, shape or form)
There was one particular circumstance in which jealousy had the best of me. I knew this had nothing to do with the other people involved. It had all to do with Me, Myself and I. It’s rough when you cannot use the blame game. When you know everything begins and ends with yourself. When you know that everything happening in your life is simply an out picturing of your own belief system or more likely a belief system that was imprinted upon you. But baby, now it’s yours to clean up.
Even though I knew the truth on some level…. that I was (still AM) a point of pure light glistening in the perfection of the Universe, I could not FEEL it. What good is knowing something unless you can FEEL it!!
The thoughts and subsequent feelings were relentless, seemingly everlasting and pure torture. I could not shake the shame, the guilt for how I was feeling and the desire to crawl up into a little ball and hide. As I became more impatient & intolerant of myself, the FEAR only intensified!
There is a reason they say what you resist, persists and it sure did!
The jealousy thing was rearing its ugly head and I knew the only thing I could do was to LOVE IT!!! Yes, you heard me LOVE IT. But it feels so disgusting and shameful. Try loving a slimy, morphing, slippery sucker of a leech! I dare you!
How could I love a part of myself that I deem to be unlovable?
How could I admit and express this darkness?
How does one sit still with this ugliness and invite it closer?
One morning I awakened at 4:45 am. I had had enough. The pain was too much. I wanted relief. I went into our Breath Studio, set an intention, declared some invocations, put on the 60 minute playlist and started the practice of a conscious, connected diaphragmatic breath.
At first, the cynic was present as it always is because it is my armor. It still takes me a bit of time to drop into my body and leave the mind behind.
I cried!
I raged!
I toned!
I moved my body!
Lo and behold some “thing” shifted my energy. “I” did not change it but I experienced a different state of consciousness, one filled with a LOVINGLY FELT perception. Sure, I showed up and did my part but this was so clearly discernible. It was in such a deep contrast to what I was feeling before my self-session.
I FELT an unprecedented level of expansion, freedom, relief, heart opening, gratitude and appreciation for the circumstance and the people involved. It was like I was looking through the eyes of the Divine and my understanding
EXPONENTIATED!
That same day I was able to connect with the people in this particular situation. I remembered the situation but there was no longer fire in my emotional charge. My heart streaming with loving consciousness. It was real, authentic and I felt FREE!!! Very powerful stuff!
I am not bullshitting you. I would not do that!!!!
AND
this was a self-session!!!
Then, I shared this story at yoga studio where my beloved Kirk and I were facilitating a Transformational Breath® Introductory Workshop. I wanted them to know one of the transformational miracles I had directly experienced with this breath work. I truly crossed over into a new founded form.
There was a person that expressed the notion that “jealousy” was not very “yogini like”. My response to this is that we are all human and we have the full spectrum of emotions whether we admit to it or not.
It is crucially important for us all to make the effort to
LOVE ALL PARTS OF OURSELVES.
Remember Law of Attraction?
What do you think LOA really means?
Well, the world is a tapestry of our collective internal psyches. Look below the surface and you will find that what we tend to resist will persist until we love, forgive and be gentle with ourselves.
It is easy to love a friend but loving an enemy takes real courage! What gremlins inside you are beckoning for some TLC? Give it to them!
Imagine a world whereby we all found peace within ourselves.
Imagine a world where we held the capacity to be with ALL OF OUR emotions until those energies felt safe to move on their own rather than stay stuck in our physical, mental, emotional or ethereal bodies. They could be acknowledged and then feel free to move or dissolve.
It would be a world with no blame game.
No shame!
All inclusive!!!
We all took radical responsibility for our own emotions, thoughts and feelings and were able to own them.
These emotions were are great messenger carrying me to an even more open frontier.
I feel much lighter!
THANK YOU SPIRIT! 
I am sure I will be beckoning you again and again!
MINDFULNESS PRACTICE:
Lie down, close your eyes and receive a few cleansing breaths
In your imagination, see yourself:
-Sitting in a chair.
-Across from you is yourself, a more luminous, all knowing version of yourself. Very ethereal
-Drop your focus down into the center of your heart.
-Settle in and take your time ( Breathe fully yet gently here)
-Connect with yourself with your gaze: eye to eye contact.
-Share out loud with your higher self how your human self is feeling.
-Ask for what you need to feel safe, secure and loved.
-If you feel uncomfortable, confused or do not know what you need stay with the emotion.
-Just sit with it and breathe!
-When you are ready to close your mini self session, imagine speckled stardust falling all around you to insulate and protect you.
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